I used to think shadow integration meant I’d be done with it.
That one day, I’d finally be whole. Finally “fixed.”
I thought if I just did enough inner work, I’d reach some peaceful, untouchable version of myself. I’d be fully enlightened, regulated and complete.
But in my experience, it’s never that simple.
Self-development is far more complex than that.
The rhythm is so individual, so deeply personal, that it almost cannot be spoken of.
You cannot map it. You cannot schedule it. You can only be present with yourself.
After years away from my country, I felt the grief of leaving home.
After a breakup, I felt the grief that shattered my identity.
All the things I thought I had integrated, came back louder and clearer. Demanding to be met.
Shadow integration is not linear.
It spirals.It circles back.
It asks for more presence. Definitely not more perfection.
There is no final blissful state.
There’s just life that is unfolding, dismantling, and reshaping us again and again.
And the more I accept this, the more life flows.
Not because it gets easier, but because I’m not resisting the truth anymore.
We are not becoming light, because in our essence we already are light. We become whole.
And wholeness includes the dark.
The deepest truth that gave me profound meaning was that - it has no meaning. It just IS. And I Am.
If you’re spiraling, circling back, re-meeting old patterns, you’re not failing. I really want you to know this. You’re deepening into your essence.